Cathartic.  

Google (the infallible tool that it is *cough*) told me the proper definition is "providing psychological relief through the open expression of strong emotions."  And a synonym for cathartic is, Rachelle.

Open expression of strong emotions is pretty much how I operate every day.

If you have ever met me, I imagine, this is one of the first things you learned about me.

So.  I have no idea how to write about today, in this space, because it's not just my story.  And my sweet husband does not live his life like I do and I respect him so much.

I can say that today was complex.

And with all my heart, I wish we did not have to sign those bankruptcy papers.

With all my joy, I am so thankful that we get to keep our home.

The most subtle things have brought me to tears (Just breathe in.  And out.)  and the things that I think should have made me a puddle, only produced stoicism. (Signing the papers)

This song resonates with me today.

  

This picture is of my new new curtains that I made for my dining room.  I really like them.  But they are not finished.  I still need to hem them.  I love starting projects but often leave them unfinished.  I'm sure I could find a personality test that would explain this.  

This is an unfinished embroidered poem.

There are many started projects around my home.  Eventually I will finish them.

I started this over 10 years ago.  It is a collage.  Still not finished.  (My friend Heather did an amazing painting of a cow. ;)

Next up, my mud room still needs a real coat of paint.  

These bibs are a baby gift for a friend so I will need to finish them.  It's already been 2 months.  That sweet baby boy will be 1 by the time he gets them at my current rate of completing projects.

One thing I am very good at finishing is tv series!  Thanks to Netflix I have completed Star Trek Next Generation, Numbers, The I.T.Crowd, Robin Hood, Dr. Who (the revival series) and now Chuck.  

Thank you for the applause.

I am also very good at finishing my breakfast and chocolate bars.

So you all really liked the cake for Rohk's birthday!!  When in doubt, cover a cake in candy.  

Today I am going to share with you a recipe I made up.  From my head.  All on my own.  

They are dairy free, egg free and gluten free.  AND they taste great.  No. I am not lying to you.

I have so many people in my world with food restrictions (myself included) and more often than not the recipes I find on-line taste gross, have weird textures and require strange ingredients.  So, I decided to try my hand at a cookie that tastes like a real cookie for the people I love that can't normally eat cookies.  And one that I could eat so it had to be diabetic friendly as well.  I think I nailed it.  Rohk and Naveed have been eating them for breakfast and snacks for the last 3 days.  Naveed named them for me.  :)

Coconutty Sweets

Pre-heat your oven to 350 and line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

You will need:  3/4 cup coconut yogurt (you can happily substitute in dairy yogurt no problem)

2 tbsp ground flax + 4 tbsp water

3 tbsp oil

1/2 cup almond milk

Mix the flax seed and water and let it sit for 3 ish minutes.  Add the rest of the wet ingredients to the flaxseed mixture.

In a separate bowl combine the dry ingredients.

1/4 cup raw pumpkin seeds (grind them up into a chunky powder in a coffee grinder)

1/2 cup toasted coconut or almond or both

1/3 cup coconut flour (sift it.  I find it's clumpy)

1/2 cup coconut sugar

1 cup oat flour (I grind up whole oats in my coffee grinder)

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp baking powder

1/2 - 3/4 cup dairy free chocolate chips.

Add the wet to the dry and stir to combine.  It should be like a thick muffin batter.  If it's still sticky, add a couple tablespoons of almond milk.

Taking heaping tsp of batter, drop approximately 2 inches apart on the cookie sheet.  

They will take around 5 minutes to bake but keep an eye on them.  I find that gluten free, egg free baking is a bit of an art form.  Watch the cookies tops to see when they are done.  There should be an even distribution of air holes released from the top.  I know that sounds weird.  They should look like this.  

  

Let them cool on the pan for a minute before transferring them to a rack to cool.

Enjoy the cookies!!  Happy Wednesday to you all!

Rohk turned 3 yesterday!  It was such a fun day.  I love that boy.

Here are some pictures from his birthday.

I have watched Wreck It Ralph no less than 6 times in the last 2 days.  In Steinbach, we still have a video rental store and I actually rent dvd's there.  My kids are being trained to watch a movie as many times as possible, in 3 days, before it's gone.

I still remember renting VHS's when I was kid.  I also remember my parents renting the tv to go along with the rented movies.  There is this picture in my head of my dad walking across a parking lot, carrying a huge rented tv, that will forever be one of my favourite memories.  Partly because it makes me so old and retro.

Memories are a funny thing.  Sometimes they are dead wrong.  

For instance.  I was talking with mom and bankruptcy and memories I have of my parents bankruptcy.  In my memory, I see the tow truck repossessing my parents white car, watching from my bedroom window.  Nope.  That is not what happened.  My parents actually brought the car in to the dealership to give it back. My childhood memory was a lie.  To myself.  Unintentionally.

Memories can be right as well.

Obviously.

Like the tv memory.

Moving on.

No!  Wait!!  Remember this video??

Me too.

What about this one?  Beck, Devils Haircut.  I still remember Sook Yin Lee introducing me to this video on MuchMusic.  (Apparently today's post is all about  me dating myself.)

Ok.  Last one.  I hope all you who lived in the 1990's and remember it, appreciate these gems.  

Now.  I only was introduced to Portishead in the early 2000's but I still love Glory Box.  I'm sure this means I am a true child of the 90's to retroactively like it's music.  Right?

Good night.  

This was our Saturday.  We did much of nothing special.  

(The next two pictures Naveed took)

And, a small update.  We are still waiting to sign the bankruptcy papers.  Lord willing, that will happen at the end of this week. 

Ok!  Time to get a birthday party started for my sweet 3 year old son.

I hope you all have a calm start to your week because that's a nice way to ease into most anything.  

Bye.

Today I will share with you all, some of my favourite artist's.  Starting with my cousin.

Gabrielle Funk.

http://gabriellewmfunk.squarespace.com/

Isn't this dear the best?!  It speaks to my soul and I own a print.  I cannot not tell you how much I love it.  (Jon gave it to me for my birthday and totally surprised me.)  Gabrielle is an amazingly talented woman.

Ellie Tornblom

http://www.frosticular.com/

I have been friends with Ellie since grade 11.  She is one of my soul sisters.  I love that woman.  Her Element series is my absolute favourite and one day, I will own one.  I find them so intriguing.  I just keep staring at this element...

Now.  I own this print.  I think it is the bomb.  

Many people think it looks like Marilyn Manson.  

I don't care.  It's great.

Peggy Wolf is the artist and you can buy her prints and originals on Etsy.  

This is another of her's that I would like to own.

https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/PeggyWolfDesign?ref=l2-shopheader-name

Get a load of this!

http://society6.com/product/Pele_Print#1=45

Striking.  Piercing. Breathtaking.  Amazing. 

Michael Shapcott has an amazing talent.

And last, but not least, Gustav Klimt.  He will always be one of my favourite artists.  

And below, is the one I love the most.

I red headed woman, beautiful shape and a goldfish.  Quirky, interesting and lovely.  

Be still my heart.

  

I used to read over 30 blogs a day.  They were inspiration, encouragement and hope for me during some very hard days.  These days I follow 4 women bloggers.  That's plenty.

My first stop every morning, Soule Mama.

http://www.soulemama.com/

I think how they do family life (according to what I see) is lovely.  They are homesteaders.  Living off the produce from their garden, eggs from their chickens and milk from a cow they borrowed.  (who knew you could borrow a caw to see if you want to buy one)  She knits and sews and makes her own soap.
She is my favourite.

 Next is always Bleubird

http://bleubirdblog.com/

I started following her when I was pregnant with Rohk.  I like her style and pictures.  Her blog used to be more interesting but she has a bazillion followers now.  It's not as personal anymore.  But I still follow her because I have fondness for her family.  Strange how years of looking at a person's pictures will do that.

My friend Christina introduced me to the Pioneer Woman

http://thepioneerwoman.com/

She is plain entertaining.  I like her.

And rounding out my morning stops is Life In Grace

http://www.lifeingraceblog.com/

She is the only Christian woman blog I read.  Because she reads a lot of books by theologians and she is an ex-evangelical Christian.  Now a practising Lutheran Christian.  She is so interesting to me.


The end of my favourite blog list.   

Hello.  Good morning.  

I'm kind of in a hurry this morning so it makes total sense that I am doing a blog entry right now. Current pictures are not co-operating with me so I will post some more random's for you all.

One day, when I have disposable income, I am going to get this lady tattooed on my body.  I think she is great.  I will probably have some of what she is holding changed.  Because I'm not really a traveller.  It would make more sense for her to be holding a whisk and a bag of coffee.

I used to do an art bulletin board at church and I always wanted to use this picture.  I never did because I think I stole it from the internet and I just didn't feel right putting stolen art work up in church.  I think I got it from Society 6 if you are interested.  There.  Now that means I didn't steal it.  I guess I better start getting better at saving links if I'm going to be posting here.  Better used twice in one sentence is totally acceptable.  In case you were wondering.  

Let's meet for lunch here.   

Until next time!  Bye.

I am probably going to over post for a while because this is all new to me.

Oh!! Just figured out what I wanted to do this morning.  Ha!  :)

I have this song on repeat as well.  My prayer these days has been 

"Lord, I need a boat to cross this river of suffering." The song is on repeat in my head.

It's a funny thing.  Really.  How many people are really suffering and I wrestle with sadness because I might loose my house?  What is suffering, anyway.   Google says 

"it's the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship" 

Then there must be degrees of suffering.  Because my children are not dying from starvation and I am not having to sell my body to pay the mortgage payment this month.  

Jon is not a drug mule.  But I am undergoing some hardship.

I don't want to trivialize what I am in right now.  Bankruptcy.  Watching Jon's dream being auctioned off.  

Living in a state of flux because nothing has happened yet.  Waiting to hear if the auctioneer can sell our stuff for a good price.  It's all nerve racking. 

Maybe it's just a first world problem.  Poor spoiled me.  But maybe it's ok to be sad about these things.  

Just because it could be worse does not lessen how painful it is right now.   

I just want it to be less painful.  And I can't. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAyU_Fbr77Y&feature=kp

I have no idea if this link is going to work.   Crossing my fingers for you all!  This song gets played at home almost everyday.  It's fun.  

I keep trying to get pictures off my phone but that's not working.  So, you all get some old pictures today. 

Miss Naveed as an itty bitty.

Mr Rohker baby

So signing our bankruptcy papers yesterday did not happen but maybe today??  I sure hope so.  My mom came out to Steinbach yesterday and that was a lovely distraction.  We went to a local thrift store and she let my kids buy whatever they wanted.  Blech.  6 year old little girls pick the most hideous treasures.  Stained stuffed rabbits, granny clip on earings, dusty candle holders with shells hot glue gunned on.  Naveed was in heaven.  Rohk picked a grab bag of mostly McDonald's toys.  He's easy to please.

I hope your day is filled with small joys that add up to a lovely day. 

 (Now I need to go and get Rohk out of the bathroom.  He loves filling up containers with water and pouring it into other containers.  It's a problem of a silly kind.)   

I love this room.  The un-matching chairs, robins blue cupboards, the natural light. I would probably put a carpet more colour and pattern underneath.

So.  That's one random thought to start this blog.

Today we are hoping to go and sign the papers that officially put us in bankruptcy.  I had no idea how complicated bankruptcy is.  In passing, people will mention they know someone who went bankrupt but no one ever mentions the mountain of paperwork you need to do in order to file.

Also, if you wanted to know, you need a Trustee in Bankruptcy to file, not a lawyer.  I called 6 lawyers before one of them was kind enough to give me more information than "No. I don't do bankruptcies."

This picture is from Thanksgiving.  

I am wearing my favourite boots.  Just thought I would share that...

I was contemplating having a point to this blog but I decided I didn't want to.  It will just be my life.   And more often than not, there is no real direction in my life.  What matters most to me is doing this life well.  Currently that means enjoying time with my husband in spite of difficult circumstances, protecting my children's innocence during these strange days and remembering that I am more than this moment in time.

  I am Rachelle.  

I am a phoenix.