It's a strange thing going from SUPER BUSY and STRESSED to

having no plans and no crisis.

In some ways, I have had to fight for peace 

in the same way I had to fight for survival.

During the times of crisis in my life the most important things I had to do was keep my head above the water (don't drown in the sorrow of life), hang tight to Christ and try to be present enough to be aware of who I was in that moment and what was worth pouring my energy into.

Peace has been the same in some ways.

I have had to keep my head above the waters of busy when there are so many "sirens" calling out to me.  

Submitting my restless heart into the care of Christ who brings true peace has been hard!  Restlessness hides a multitude of insecurities and bad habits.

And sitting still has been SO DIFFICULT when I have, 

historically, made up groups and dinner parties and clubs when I have nothing to do.

I am SO GOOD at creating things to do out of 

stress, restlessness and boredom.

Anything to drive out the emotions swirling in my heart.

Sometimes, life really tears up your heart and it's a bleeding, pussy, infected mess.

And bed rest is the only thing that will facilitate healing.

The healing process is an interesting thing.  Sometimes it's like nothing ever happened, sometimes there is a scar and on occasion, something new emerges. 

I am starting to form some very definite ideas about friendship.

I am hesitant to start anything but I feel like, in my soul, 

there is a deep layer of baking soda ideas. (That's a for real thing.  I'm sure.) And a slow drip of vinegar is coming down.  

Groups gathering for fun make me nervous.  That's new.

I am a natural-bottled red head.   I don't really like being a natural hair coloured person.

Being kind, patient and merciful is important to me. 

This is also new.

I want to be with people that encourage me to Godliness.  

Not to busyness or scurry or hurry or worry.

I long for joy and laughter and depth and prayer.

I think I got this from Life (in) Grace once upon a time.

The End.