Good Morning!

This was a breakfast I had in August.  Isn't it pretty?

My breakfast this morning was not as photo-worthy, peanut butter stirred into greek yogurt with some slivered almonds.

Anyway...

This space, my little blog, is often where I am able to articulate my thoughts.  When I sit to type, the words that come out here have been ruminating for some time.

Here, I write my thoughts coherently vs random in-coherent personal journaling.

For some time now I have been longing for a deeper understanding of prayer.   It's been a quiet longing, sitting on the side lines for some time now.

Truth be told, I live to pray.

I dont' say this in a pious way.

It's just who I am.

I can't not pray.

My prayers are often short.

They are often without words.

Sometimes they are angry.

Tears are not uncommon.

Confession and desperation, praise, thanks and questions.

So many questions.

Prayer is my favourite because there are no right or wrongs, all that is required of me is to show up.

Sometimes I show-up and I know my heart is hard.

I pray out of fear, not faith.

I pray out of Christian superstition and some weird perceived need to appease.  To say the right thing.

More and more, God is showing me when I do this and gently corrects me heart attitude.

At some point this summer I purchased two books on prayer.

The beauty of living in a small city with an inordinate amount of Christians giving away books to the local thrift store!

It will take me a while to get through these books, I am not in a rush and I feel that they require pondering, not consuming.

From "With Open Hands"

"When you dare to let go and surrender one of those many fears, your hand relaxes and your palms spread out in a gesture of receiving.  You must have patience, of course, before your hands are completely open and their muscles relaxed."

From "Prayer"

(This one made me cry this morning.  I always pay attention to the things that make me cry.)

"One small word of counsel before we strike out onto this disciplined journey into the holy place; healthy prayer necessitates frequent experiences of the common, earthy, run-of-the-mill variety.  Like walks, and talks and good wholesome laughter.  Like work in the yard, and chitchat with the neighbours, and washing windows.  Like loving our spouse, and playing with our kids, and working with our colleagues.  To be spiritually fit to scale the Himalayas of the spirit, we need regular exercise in the hills and valleys of ordinary life."

And this.

Isaiah 64:1-8

Oh, that you would burst from the heavens and come down!
    How the mountains would quake in your presence!
 As fire causes wood to burn
    and water to boil,
your coming would make the nations tremble.
    Then your enemies would learn the reason for your fame!
 When you came down long ago,
    you did awesome deeds beyond our highest expectations.
    And oh, how the mountains quaked!
 For since the world began,
    no ear has heard
and no eye has seen a God like you,
    who works for those who wait for him!
 You welcome those who gladly do good,
    who follow godly ways.
But you have been very angry with us,
    for we are not godly.
We are constant sinners;how can people like us be saved?
 We are all infected and impure with sin.
    When we display our righteous deeds,
    they are nothing but filthy rags.
Like autumn leaves, we wither and fall,
    and our sins sweep us away like the wind.
 Yet no one calls on your name
    or pleads with you for mercy.
Therefore, you have turned away from us
    and turned us over to our sins.

 And yet, O Lord, you are our Father.
    We are the clay, and you are the potter.
    We all are formed by your hand.

And so, dear readers, these are my thoughts.

I hope your day is filled with beauty.