Why bother with this blog?  

I have been asking myself this question for the last month.

It seems presumptuous to assume that anyone would want to read the words I type here.   Self important or arrogant have been thoughts I have had.  


I can type whatever I want here, no one is holding me accountable.

And where I have landed is this:


To process my own life, I need to share it.  Because typed words are an outlet for me.  I need to express my thoughts to show myself what is in front of me.  Typing in this space is so different than journaling and I need the pressure of making sense to organise my thoughts.  

Quietly, mentally sorting my thoughts is not working for me.   

My brain is running constantly.   And I am alone often.  So these thoughts swirl.  Sometimes I talk about them with my people, but often, I choose not to.    Because the world does not revolve around the random things going through my head and conversation is a ball.  You pass it around like playing catch.

That may be THE ONLY sporty analogy you ever read in this space.

So, I will carry on posting.  Probably more frequently now that I have given myself permission, that blogging is ok, and good for me.

As I put these thoughts down I am listening to Enter The Worship Circle (1000 Portraits and Waterdeep).  It has been on repeat for the last week.  It was released in 1999.   I have been listening to it for almost that long.  

Currently my favourite is Whatever Thing.

"Whatever thing that I have carried in this place
That will keep me from You
I will lay it at Your feet
Whatever burden I have carried for so long
That will keep me from seeing You
I will lay it down right now
All of the things that are cluttering my mind
I will push them far from here
And listen for Your voice
All of the pain that I am carrying inside
I will hand it to You
You will take it, set me free, I will fly
I need to hear You speak to me
And I want to feel You in this place
You long to take me in Your arms of love
So take me in Your arms of love"

It reminds of Henry Nouwen's thoughts on praying and holding coins we don't want to give up.  I think he talks about this in his book With Open Hands.   My mom currently has my book so I can't give you a direct quote at this time.

I'm very helpful.  You're welcome.

I do recommend reading it.  It's very good.

Currently I am reading Mere Christianity.

I have never read it before and it felt like the right time.

So often these days I find myself in conversations where right and wrong seems to be up for debate and I like his approach.  He has a way of distilling things down in a way that is palatable to my way of thinking.

So far my favourite chapter has been "The Rival Conceptions of God"

A quote.

"If you are a Christian you do not have to believe that all the other religions are simply wrong all through...  But, of course, being a Christian does mean thinking that where Christianity differs from other religions, Christianity is right and they are wrong."

You see, I am longing for the black and whites of my faith.  Because I do believe in right and wrong and I reject the notion that they don't exist.   And just because I want black & whites does not make me merciless or legalistic.  I see so many areas where thinking Christian's have questioned their faith and in some instances, yes, I agree with the outcome and am glad for the questioning.  But there are other areas where I think "I'm sure that's a heresy."   

Are these new thoughts?  Absolutely not.  But they are important even if they are not original.

This is what I desire to live.

"Love the lord your God, with all your heart, soul and mind.  Lean not on your own understanding but in all your way's acknowledge him and he will direct your paths."  

Because I am no longer on Facebook I set up this blog that you can now subscribe to it and you will get notification when I post.

That's it, that's all!