Earlier this week I felt that Jon needed a visit from me and Rohk with the bonus of doughnuts.  Then a train came by the shop and my men watched it for a bit.

Taco Tuesday is our new favourite meal.  Each kid get's a job (Rohk shredded cheese & cut peppers, Nav was on hamburger duty) and meal time is soo happy!  Once upon a time I would have looked down my nose at such a meal.  Taco Tuesday is so common!! 

Praise the Lord I'm not so uptight any more.

Speaking of food...

So we ended up at Ikea with my aunty & uncle that are visiting from BC.   There were very few diabetes friendly options that would fill me up for a few hours so I ate this thing.

I can't say I would recommend it.

Rohk and me go for bike rides nearly every day.

On this particular day it was very chilly outside and I knew he was not going to make it home without warming up.  So we went for a cup of tea at MJ's.  Holy.  Cow.   $2.66 for one tea bag.

That is outrageous!

But worth not having a whining kid all the way home.

As you may, or may not, know, Flower Patch Farmgirl is my most favourite blog.   What I love the most is how honest she is about her life, wrestling's and hopes.

She is brave to be so vulnerable on her blog.

Many bloggers I have read over the years change their tone to be more private the bigger they get.

You need to go over and read her blog ASAP!

She wrote this article today and it ends with the question,

 "What makes you, you?"

True.  Nothing profound in that question.

But it's a good exercise.

I have gotten lost in ideas that I actually don't believe in.

Like all of a sudden, I WANT a whole bunch of stuff!

And I am super sad that I can't have stuff.

What. The. Heck.

Pouting because my kid has a bike but I want her to have a newer one.  "RACHELLE!  YOUR KID HAS A BIKE!"

Perspective.

So.

What makes me, me?

How I cover my walls.

This is a part of what makes me, me.

No matter where I have lived, I must have LOTS of art on my walls.  The more the better!!

I don't care about decorating Do's or Don'ts.  

I just know what I like.

I will never NEED another piece of art but I will always WANT more!

Can I please take this moment to get on my soapbox of 

need vs want?

Ok.

Thanks.

I keep overhearing people in public go on and on about their "needs" and it's gotten under my skin.

Please note, I was un-intentionally eavesdropping.

If you are going to talk loudly in public, I will hear you.

Anyway.

I promise you, there are very few things you actually need.

The majority of what we all purchase are wants.

Don't tell me you NEED a vacation cause you don't.

You want one.  You will not die if you don't get it.

Vacations are pure luxury.

Not a need.

Don't tell me you NEED a bigger house because we are 4 people and a dog living in 800 square feet and life it just great.

Would I WANT a bigger kitchen, sure.

Would I WANT a basement, yes.

But I don't NEED it.

There is a roof over my head, heat when I need it, 

running water and a TV.  Life is good.

Want stuff!

Please, go ahead and want whatever you feel like!

I want TONNES of stuff!

New Birks, another bike, a new vehicle, a shopping spree at Anthropology, a play structure for my kids...  I can go on.

But please.  

Don't try and tell me your luxury wants are a need.

Cause they're not.

Ok. That's the end of my rant.

Happy Friday everyone!

Listening : Rohk is watching Sponge Bob Square pants and I get the great delight of hearing all of it.  

Dreaming :  I want to paint every room in my house.  More realistic, I want to paint all my baseboards.   I paint those every few years.  The walls, not so much.  I asked my mom to come and help me paint my mud-room and she said yes!  Wahoo!  Now to pick a date.

Pondering : Every time I pursue the idea of working for money outside of our home (Thank you Liberal's for cutting my monthly income in half. Grr.) I get huge red flags in my heart and soul and mind that it's not time.  And so I pause.  Again.   Until the next time fear strikes my heart.   And I am brought to my knees in prayer for this again.

Hoping : Last summer I really wanted to get to the beach at least once with my friends and it never happened!!  This year, I am hoping it does.  My fingers are crossed!

Accepting : All friendships shift and change over time, for good or for bad.  This is inevitable. 

Loving : Brooklyn 99, season 3, on Netflix.  Hullo stupid!!

The End.

I own all the season's of this stupid show.

I LOVE it!

The Young Ones make me giggle.

One

Two

Three

So.

I have been firmly planted in the middle of this passage.

Physically and figuratively.

Like I sit at my table reading it over and over.

And then I think about it for minutes at a time over the course of the entire day.

And then I go and read things like this.

"Walking on the water is easy to impulsive pluck, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is a different thing.  Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he followed Him afar off on the land. We do not need the grace of God to stand crises, human nature and pride are sufficient, we can face the strain magnificently; but it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours in every day as a saint, to go through drudgery as a disciple, to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus.  It is inbred in us that we have to do exceptional things for God; but we have not.  We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in the mean street, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes."

Oswald Chambers

And I am brought to tears.

(Calvin Miller)

The thing about evaluating your scars is that you have to do it with a  filter.  
I want my filter to be forgiveness and hope.
But this is really hard work.
And this work is lasting longer than I think it should.

I have been amazing reclusive as of late.
In part, because I am trying to sort out my hurts.
When I try to associate with people I love I find myself wanting for anything to say.  
There are not a lot of words that I have for regular conversation.

I'm just not super light or what I personally find interesting.

All I care to do is go on bike rides with Rohk, 
play memory with Nav and watch silly tv with Jon.  
These really are the only things I have any interest in doing.

Internally I have so much going on, 
externally this is all I have energy for.

And I have given myself permission that this is ok and it is good.

There are no real timelines for healing - only approximates.

Jon and me moved to Steinbach roughly 10 years ago in May.

I always remember that it was May and I have no idea if that is actually true or not.

But I hold to May is the month we arrived in Manitoba.

Anyway.

We had been living in Calgary for a little over a year and half, Jon had just graduated from Ambrose University College and it was time to start a new chapter in our lives.

I figured I needed some new music while packing up our little apartment so I bought Jack Johnson's  In Between Dreams album.

I totally went to HMV at Southcentre Mall, listened to cd's they had in those black boxes with a head-set (remember those?!)

and bought it. 

Every spring, without fail, I CRAVE this album.

It brings me to a happy place in my heart and memories.

I remember so vividly, opening up all the windows and the balcony door, letting in the cool fresh air of spring, packing up our stuff, getting ready for life in Manitoba.

All the while listening to Jack on repeat.

For the last few years I have not had a stereo and the disc drive on my laptop is busted so I have not listened to this album.

I kept putting off buying it on iTunes because I own it.

It's a cd in a box somewhere.

But this year I caved.

I bought it yesterday and I am listening to it right now!!

It makes me so happy.

Here is Banana Pancakes.

Happy Thursday all!

I loved today.

Something about the sun shining and being able to ride my bike for hours with my kiddo on his brings joy to my soul.

The Liturgist's podcast was on for a good hour today and I liked their approach to prophesy. They gave no absolutes at the end, something I appreciate and am ok with.  What I took away from it was that God does communicate with us and seeking His will is good. 

If you care to, take a listen to The Voice of God.  

And tell me if you listened to it and 

what you took away after!

For my beverage at supper tonight I had this beer and I rather loved it.  Black Pearl coffee (a Winnipeg coffee roaster)plus beer!

Delicious.

A thought that ran through my head today was

"I like who I am."

Last year April I could not have said that.

Check out my April 1, 2015 post 

for my state of mind this time last year.

That was a dark place.

2016 is proving to be a year of healing and hope and renewal and all things worthy of praise.

Today I felt like myself.

And I really love her.

I just finished reading

Nobody's Cuter Than You by Melanie Shankle

and it was a lovely read.

It's all about her relationship with her best friend.

By the way, I don't believe in one best friend.

I have many.

No one person can handle ALL of me and I can't handle 

ALL of one of my friends.  

Let's spread the opinionated passion of these women around!  

I cannot be Jon's everything, how in the world am I 

supposed to be one woman's best friend?

Moving on.

(found here)

The end.

Of a very random post.

My blondie sister and her blondie boys landed last Sunday late in the day and they left early this Sunday morning.

I was so happy when they came out to Steinbach Monday afternoon!  

I thought we would only see them Wednesday to Saturday 

so that was a treat.

Nav missed a few days of school and we headed into Winnipeg for 4 days and three nights.

At this point I would like to say that I HATE sleep overs.   

I don't recall ever enjoying them.

Ever.

I believe my agreeing to sleep on an air mattress for 3 nights speaks to my commitment of nurturing family relationships and 

of loving my family in general.

"Well done Rachelle.  Pat yourself on the back!"

"Why thank you!  I think I will!"

We had our good hours and bad ones, 

fun days and miserable days.

4 adults + 5 children + 1 whippet dog + one house = life!

Those children all have "discerning pallets"

Also known as "picky eaters"

Every bloody one of them!!

So, I kidnapped (not really)my own 2 kids and Anthony, trucked them (literally trucked them because I drive a truck. Ha!) over to De Luca's and had each child choose a pasta they would like to try.

Three types of noodles were chosen (all made in Italy so that was fun) and we had a taste testing noodle dinner.

I believe it was a success.

Every child tried something new - 

even if it was only a new noodle shape.  

Baby steps folks.  

Next time, I will need to try something like foreign chips or 

ice cream flavours.

My mom really wanted to feed some birds with the kiddos but as you can see, there were no birds.  And then it started to rain.

That activity was a bit of bust.

You can't win them all!

Jon might kill me for posting this pictures.

The kids all looked so happy!!

Mandi's boys and my mom came out for a few hours yesterday and we got to have a few fun last memories.

Kawaii Crepe on the way to Steinbach and fire with uncle Jon.

A perfect way to end a vacation if you were asking me.

My sister is much better at taking together pictures than me.

But then I'm a shit and do this when she tells me to back up my head cause it looks to big.

Mandi and me have always been near opposites.

For as long as I can remember.

It makes for interesting conversations, belly laughs and choosing to be in the moment instead of finding similarities.

Mandi will always remember the good things first.

I will always remember the bad things first.

Mandi is a tall blonde.

I am a short red head.

We both dye our hair so there is that!

I am sad she lives so far away.

The day to day of our lives are kept to ourselves.

We do not share in the everyday moments of life.

It is a complicated sorrow.

But no matter.

She has my heart.