There are a few very vivid memories I have of music 

worship times at church.

And I am pondering why they stand out to me.

So you all get to come along for the ride of me processing here in this space.

Continue at your own risk.

The first memory that comes to mind is being in a congregation the first time I ever heard "Find Me In The River"

Up until that point, I had never heard a song so honest 

being sung in church.  

And I had never been so 

confused by church music lyrics either.

"Find me in the river,

Find me there,

Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare

Even though your gone and I'm cracked and dry

Find me in the river

I'm waiting here"

To be very honest, I'm still not sure I totally understand it.

(What river do you suppose this song is about?)

Or agree with it for that matter.

(Even though your gone - I can't sing that line)

I think I have the same questions I had as a teenager but it still evokes emotion from me it did back then.

"Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare"

Love that.

As I turn my mind to the past I think about how I was 
taught to worship at Winnipeg Centre Vineyard.

And it was a beautiful lesson.

What I took away from my time there was music is art and art is meant to express an emotion/thought and therefore, 

it should evoke an emotion/thought from those experiencing it.

And worship music needs to be authentic art.

Not expected cliches that keep us comfortable in our complacency.

Worship times at church were expressive.  There were painters and dancers and musicians and we were all active participants in worshipping Jesus.

"Here I am again

In this place again

I know that your no stranger to pain

To loneliness

Father here I come

Lay my burden's down

Knowing that you'll take me as I am

So I come

With freedom as your child

And I run into your arms.

My heart is aching for my Father

My eyes they long to see my God

This world has nothing I desire

You are what I am looking for

Hide me underneath your shelter

Cover me and I will say

I am yours

Surely I am yours."

I am struck, again, with the intimacy of these words.

I recognize that my year in that church birthed in me a desire for relationship with Christ that was based on honesty and forever more, I long for intimacy in congregational worship.

For the first time ever, I led a worship team at church last year.

Team.

It was me and my dear friend.

If it had not been for her, I might have walked away from it entirely.  She was so patient with me and my poor timing and choosing songs that no one had ever heard of.

I would try and choose songs that everyone would know but I learned that is nearly impossible!  Unless you are singing hymns, not everyone will know all the songs.

This was so frustrating to me because I am so against church music times being turned into concerts where everyone watches and no one sings/participates.  

Nothing get's under my skin more at church.

Nothing.

How is there supposed to be congrgational unity in worship 

if no one can sing along.

As I type this, it makes sense considering what I just wrote about being at the Vineyard.

Huh.

Late in the game I figured out that the best way to have everyone sing (or nearly everyone) was to teach a simple chorus and sing it lots of times.

I know.  Not rocket science.

But do you know how difficult it is to find singable NEW songs?

I can only lead a service so many times with old hymns,making sure to sing ALL 57 verses so that we fill our time up.

No jokes.  I did that.  

Those old hymns have TONNES of verses!!

New has it's place along side the old standards.

Last year was a bad one for a number of reasons.

As a result, the music and fine arts that evoked a response from me have a certain air about them.

So leading church music was curious.

One time I picked a song that was near to my heart and that resulted in me crying uncontrollably for 30 minutes and I could not get through practising it.

"Say to those who are fearful hearted

Do not be afraid

The Lord your God will come

And with his mighty arm

When you call on his name

He will come and save you

He will come and save you

He will come and save you

Say to the weary one, your God will surely come

He will come and save you.

Lift up your eyes to him

You will arise again

He will come and save you"

On top of my inability to sing it without crying, 

no one in church even knew it!!  So that was unfortunate.

I did not take the time to teach it because, well, I would be a blubbering mess every time.

Instead, I taught this one.

I love it.

Maybe you will as well.

And if you are in the mood,

Here is the video for "I Am Yours"