I love her.

Where I found her, I have no idea.

She's my favourite.

Here is my favourite article that I read this week.

For When Chaos Makes You Crazy

After a year of my dear friend telling me to watch Call the Midwife, I watched all 4 season's in 2 weeks.  This made me giggle.

found here

I am coming very late to The Office party but now that I am here, I have watched 8 seasons and half of season 9 in the last 2-ish months.  Dwight and Kevin are my favourite.

found here

found here

The IT Crowd is one of mine and Jon's favourite shows.

So. Funny.

After much practising I can say "bastard" like an Irish man.

It's a lot of fun.

found here

Happy Friday Everybody!

Therapy is a beautiful thing.

Especially FREE therapy.

Extra especially, free therapy when life is calm!

It is such a different experience.

This last week I was struck with 2 things.

1) I do not do well with being invisible and it comes out in different ways - retaliation, shutting down, out bursts that seem un-provoked, bitterness, 

running away/disappearing physically and/or emotionally

2) I don't feel that I deserve to have dreams

Whoa.

That's some heavy stuff to be hauling around.

And I had no idea that I was.

When it was suggested that maybe I was having a difficult time responding to "X" situation was because I felt invisible, 

my inclination was to say no.

"I am never invisible!  

I am to loud and opinionated to ever be invisible!"

False.

The more I think about my life and the most hurt's I have  personally felt, they have more often than not been because I have been ignored, diminished, dismissed and rejected.

I have been made to feel invisible.

Intentional or not, there you have it.

This is very revelation-al to me! 

I plan on sitting in it for a while.

And dreams!!

This one will take me a while to sort out.

The timing is providential to me as longings and desires have come up with my spiritual director.

It is such an internal wrestling and sorting out.

A worthy one to pursue.

(Jon took this amaze-balls picture of me)

There was a time in my life where I did A LOT of stuff.

It was not smart.

Hullo Burnout!

But now I find that I am worried that if I start to be involved in life again I will do to much again.

I don't trust myself to know my limits.

I have been praying about it for a few months now.

Today I read this beautiful article.

The Magical Key to Doing Everything

I can get behind this way of thinking.

Anticipate a copy-cat post in the near future.

I pray for you all a week filled with hope, revelations and joy.

I filled the air in my bike tires yesterday.

I am itching to go for a ride today.

My bike is probably my favourite possession.

It is old and makes some funny sounds, the brake does not work properly (it sort of slow me down but I have to put my feet down to come to a full stop), there are no gears to be switched and the tube has to be special ordered when a tire goes flat.

BUT! It is the best colour blue, I love the chrome splash guards, my seat is super comfy and my red wire basket is so handy. 

It's a happy vintage bike and I love it.

I think we can squeak one more summer out of Nav's bike.

Rohk is far more interested in riding through puddles than actually going for a bike ride.    As it should be in puddle season!

I have SO MANY pictures of this boy smiling!!  Nav was never as much of a picture smiler so this is new to me.

We went to the Children's Museum with friends from our old homeschool group this week.  It was so lovely to catch up with lovely ladies I have not seen in months.

Rohk lived at the water table and Nav wandered around a little bit lost most of the time.

Last night we went to a Piston's hockey game and such a fun time!

We arrived early so we could watch the warm-up and then stayed for the first period.  

In the standing section. 

The opposing teams standing section to be more specific.  

We did not realize that when we stood there but found it very amusing when we noticed.

The goalie had weird died blonde hair and Jon cracked a joke about Malfoy being the goalie.

He's funny.

As I sit here documenting our week, Naveed is on the iPad, Jon is on his iPhone and Rohk is on the laptop playing school games.

The kids are eating cookies for breakfast with my blessing, Jon is making himself a cucumber sandwich and I am nearly done my second cup of coffee.

Saturday mornings are meant for leisure and silly breakfasts.

Sweet promises of spring coming!

I love premature puddles.

It seems way to early in March to have the snow melt but I am not complaining.  I love it!

We burned our Christmas tree yesterday.  It burned much better than the tree we had last year.

This morning we walked Naveed to school.

It took us 40 minutes (it usually takes 20) but I needed to move.

Sitting on my ass for so many days in a row was getting to me and I felt better this morning.

And I must be getting better because I am not passed out on my back at this moment.

I am looking forward to this week.

I am taking Nav out of school on Thursday so we can join some of our homeschool friends on a trip to the Children's Museum in Winnipeg.

I am hopeful that more walks will take place this week and meandering with Rohk in the spring will always and forever be one of my favourite things.

On the menu this week is a soup recipe out of my Jerusalem cook book.  I have never made it before and I am excited to try it.

(They made a "couch")

My life is a beautiful mess.

There are lots of heavy things going on that are not mine to share but there is so much glorious beauty in spite of it all.

My history professor in bible college was amazing.  He was so invested in his field of study.  I took a class with him every single semester I was at school.  I'm sure I was a great disappointment of a student.  I would write a paper or two that were stellar and then sort of try on the next few papers and barely pass on my exams. I was there for the friends people. Anyway! My professor.  His lectures were often memorable.

One that has stayed with me for years was a lecture he gave on Martin Luther.  What I remember is that Martin Luther failed often but that never stopped him from trying again.

Great people fail, pick them selves up and try again.

I suppose "great" is a relative term.

I choose to think of greatness in terms of relationships.

Not money or possessions or accomplishments.

At the end of this life, I want the people I love the most to know how much I loved them.  That they were valued and adored and cherished and worthy of my time and energy.

It sounds a lot easier to do than it is.

It takes an amazing amount of discipline and selflessness and being counter-culture in a lot of ways.

Today on the way home from dropping off Naveed, Rohk requested the long way home so he could slide on more frozen puddles.

How could I say no to more frozen puddles?!

Naveed loves going on dates with just one of her parents.  

We happily oblige her!  Bring on the swimming pool and doughnuts from Tim's after.  

It's her dream parent date every time.

Jon has a physically demanding job and comes home exhausted most days.  I do my very best to have a meal ready for him when he get's home.  Sometimes this means leaving fun coffee dates early or not finishing any given chore I am working at.  It flies in the face of what an "equal" marriage might be to some people.  But I don't care.  I know it blesses my husband.

It's these small details that are beautiful to me and are so worthy of my time.  

I love my people.

Watching:   Rohk play a video game on the Nintendo game cube that his uncle gave to him and his sister.  He plays with his eyebrows moving constantly.

Listening:   The drying is tumbling a load, Naveed is counting out her money and the sounds coming from that stupid game include a lot of yelling.

Hoping:   After looking online at the side affects of an ablation I am hoping that mine will heal well.  It's days 9 and I am still bloated, lacking energy and feeling tender.  It does not worry me as much as it just has settled into my brain to be aware that some women do not respond well to this treatment.

Longing:  My bike is calling my name from the shed and I just want to go for a bike ride.  Come on spring!

Pondering:    That in spite of circumstances that present themselves, there is always beauty to be seen in this life.

Planning:  There is a list above my stove of activities I want to do with my family this spring and summer.  Even if we only do 2 or 3 of them before the fall, I will be very happy.

Eating:  Roasted veggies, 2 eggs, 50gr of sprouted blue corn tortilla chips and 1/2 cup of plain greek yogurt with 2 tbs of natural peanut butter, no sugar sweetner and 1/4 of frozen raspberries.

Later:   In a bit I will take the kids to the library and if all goes well, we will attend a birthday party tonight for a little bit.

In progress:   (An Instagram post from Humans of New York got me thinking about this) The idea that kids seeing their mom's going back to work some how shows children that mom's have value or power because of the job bother's me.  I have a sense that there is a great misconception in this thinking and it has more to do with a woman's view on marriage and/or self.  Tell me a mother goes back to work to pay bills or because she wants nicer stuff or because she knows she is a kick-ass..... (fill in the blank), these seem like honest answers to me. But solely making money as gaining "power", I think that sends a wrong message to your kids.  As a human being, I am always more than what I do to make money.  Yes, money is needed and work must be done.  But if what I do to make money defines me, that is such a narrow approach.  I would rather my kids see my "value" and "power" coming from how I use the money I make, how I treat other's or the permission I give for how others treat me. The conversations I have with my husband or how we settle an argument.  How I talk about myself and how I treat myself or what I say about my kids and how I treat them.  These things speak more to value and power than getting job.   By all means, get a job.  But if the reason is to show your kids that you have value and power,  I think you are lying to yourself and your kids. 

Also, these are thoughts in process.  I feel like there are some gaps in my reasoning and maybe, in time, I will fill them. This is not a thesis or an essay or a debate.  Just thoughts in process.

Have a happy Saturday! 

Some pictures from yesterday

That's it that's all 

 

(Nav made me supper.   An apple to be served with peanut butter and a bowl of pumpkin seeds, almonds and wheat germ to be served with plain greek yogurt.  Bless her heart.  I had to tell her wheat germ is best in muffins but I would bake the best muffins with her combination of seeds, nuts and wheat germ)

Some of my random thoughts on this sunny Thursday morning.

I wonder if a life lived with open arms and an open heart means a death that is done with beauty and grace in old age.

Rohk thinks it is very funny to put on all his clothes backwards.  So I encourage him to keep on doing it!  He's dressing himself! 

What difference does it make if the picture on the front of his shirt is on his back or if the bottom of his socks are on the top of his foot?  Absolutely none.

Green is my favourite colour.  Happy kelly greens and lime greens and apple greens.

The smell of clementines being peeled is far superior to a naval orange or mandarin orange being peeled.

I was asked to journal about what my hearts desires are and I find this a difficult task.  So I asked a friend what her's were and I was struck with the beauty of hers.  

I think I was complicating matters.  

Maybe my heart's desires are un-fancy but that 

does not minimize them.  

They are still worthy even if they are not grandiose.

Have a lovely Thursday all