Watching:   Rohk play a video game on the Nintendo game cube that his uncle gave to him and his sister.  He plays with his eyebrows moving constantly.

Listening:   The drying is tumbling a load, Naveed is counting out her money and the sounds coming from that stupid game include a lot of yelling.

Hoping:   After looking online at the side affects of an ablation I am hoping that mine will heal well.  It's days 9 and I am still bloated, lacking energy and feeling tender.  It does not worry me as much as it just has settled into my brain to be aware that some women do not respond well to this treatment.

Longing:  My bike is calling my name from the shed and I just want to go for a bike ride.  Come on spring!

Pondering:    That in spite of circumstances that present themselves, there is always beauty to be seen in this life.

Planning:  There is a list above my stove of activities I want to do with my family this spring and summer.  Even if we only do 2 or 3 of them before the fall, I will be very happy.

Eating:  Roasted veggies, 2 eggs, 50gr of sprouted blue corn tortilla chips and 1/2 cup of plain greek yogurt with 2 tbs of natural peanut butter, no sugar sweetner and 1/4 of frozen raspberries.

Later:   In a bit I will take the kids to the library and if all goes well, we will attend a birthday party tonight for a little bit.

In progress:   (An Instagram post from Humans of New York got me thinking about this) The idea that kids seeing their mom's going back to work some how shows children that mom's have value or power because of the job bother's me.  I have a sense that there is a great misconception in this thinking and it has more to do with a woman's view on marriage and/or self.  Tell me a mother goes back to work to pay bills or because she wants nicer stuff or because she knows she is a kick-ass..... (fill in the blank), these seem like honest answers to me. But solely making money as gaining "power", I think that sends a wrong message to your kids.  As a human being, I am always more than what I do to make money.  Yes, money is needed and work must be done.  But if what I do to make money defines me, that is such a narrow approach.  I would rather my kids see my "value" and "power" coming from how I use the money I make, how I treat other's or the permission I give for how others treat me. The conversations I have with my husband or how we settle an argument.  How I talk about myself and how I treat myself or what I say about my kids and how I treat them.  These things speak more to value and power than getting job.   By all means, get a job.  But if the reason is to show your kids that you have value and power,  I think you are lying to yourself and your kids. 

Also, these are thoughts in process.  I feel like there are some gaps in my reasoning and maybe, in time, I will fill them. This is not a thesis or an essay or a debate.  Just thoughts in process.

Have a happy Saturday! 

Some pictures from yesterday

That's it that's all 

 

(Nav made me supper.   An apple to be served with peanut butter and a bowl of pumpkin seeds, almonds and wheat germ to be served with plain greek yogurt.  Bless her heart.  I had to tell her wheat germ is best in muffins but I would bake the best muffins with her combination of seeds, nuts and wheat germ)

Some of my random thoughts on this sunny Thursday morning.

I wonder if a life lived with open arms and an open heart means a death that is done with beauty and grace in old age.

Rohk thinks it is very funny to put on all his clothes backwards.  So I encourage him to keep on doing it!  He's dressing himself! 

What difference does it make if the picture on the front of his shirt is on his back or if the bottom of his socks are on the top of his foot?  Absolutely none.

Green is my favourite colour.  Happy kelly greens and lime greens and apple greens.

The smell of clementines being peeled is far superior to a naval orange or mandarin orange being peeled.

I was asked to journal about what my hearts desires are and I find this a difficult task.  So I asked a friend what her's were and I was struck with the beauty of hers.  

I think I was complicating matters.  

Maybe my heart's desires are un-fancy but that 

does not minimize them.  

They are still worthy even if they are not grandiose.

Have a lovely Thursday all

My Rohk is 5!!

Not 55 as the cake below would suggest.

He really wanted both 5's on his cake and I could not say no to such a cute request.

He wanted a layered chocolate and vanilla cake with chocolate icing on the sides and vanilla icing on the top.

He is so easy to please.

Sometimes I wish he would ask for more extravagant things because he makes it so easy for me and I would happily do more!

I wanted to have LOTS of sparklers on his cake to 

make it super special!

Yeah.

I put 20 sparklers on his cake.

Really close together so they would all sparkle at the same time.

Good in theory.

It was a fire ball on his cake.

Ooops.

He is such a ham.

He pretty much refused to be still for any pictures.

Goof.

Look at my bubs.   He was maybe a week old here.  Possibly 2 weeks.

This one makes me smile.

My boy is 5.

He is passionate and full of life.

He is fire and ice.

I never wonder how he is feeling or what he is thinking.

He feels deeply.

Poop and butt jokes are his absolute favourite.

His laughter makes my heart bubble with joy.

His hugs are the best.

I love him.

Last night I ended up in the ER.

I was totally freaked out by a burning sensation in my leg.

The previous day, I had gone in for this procedure

Nova Sure Video

I was so scared about a blood clot.

Straight up, number one fear in life is dying while 

my kids are small.

I panicked.

Now, what I learned last night about our local ER, or else we totally lucked out, is this.

9pm on a Friday is pretty dead.

If you come in after an ablation with concerns of a blood clot, 

they see you really fast.

My burning sensation was probably a nerve that was cauterised during my procedure and acting up.  I am totally paraphrasing.  No doctor ever says my uterus was cauterised.  But it totally was.

  

We were out of there by 9:30pm.

So that was awesome.

Erin and Andrew came to our rescue and stayed with the kids while we were gone. They are simply amazing.  Thank you friends.  Naveed had them watching Doctor Who and an ocean documentary while 

we were gone.  That made me chuckle.

On a different note but totally related, I am forever thankful and filled with wonder at the beautiful friendships that are 

Erin, Tracy and Sue.

These women.  They knock my socks off.

Tracy TOTALLY surprised me on the day of my surgery!!

SHE SHOWED UP AT THE HOSPITAL TO SEE ME!!!   WHO DOES THAT??

Tracy.   That's who.  

And she totally hooked me up with a wonderful nurse that did not need 20 attempts to put in my IV.  Never mind, previously that week she brought us a HUGE box of easy to prepare meals for my family and me.  I am so touched by her care and love.  She has my heart.

Check out these awesome pictures she took of me.

The first 24 hours after the ablation I was on bed rest and Sue lovingly took my kids for a few hours.

AND THEY WERE A HANDFUL!!  Refusing to eat the lunch she prepared, being anti-social, and causing problems all around.

Oh my children.

Sue dropped them off and I felt the need to give 

her a bottle of wine.  

Only, I had no wine.  

And she still offered to take one or both of them next week!?

( I am going to turn her down as I am feeling much better already.  

But still!  It's the thought that counts.)

Sue also has my heart.

And dearest Erin.

She ran to our rescue last night to sit 

with Naveed.  (Rohk was sleeping)

That she was so readily and willingly came here during a moment of crisis makes me tear up.

Her generosity of care and love touches my heart.

She ALSO has my heart!!



And to ALL THE AMAZING and WONDERFUL and CHERISHED friends that have been holding me in prayer over the last few days, from the very bottom of my heart, thank you.
Thank you.   Thank you.
I often teared up by how often I was messaged that I was being held in your prayers.
Thank you.

To end this post, some pictures from yesterday, which was a very calm and healing day on the whole.

Have a happy Saturday everybody!

Oh summer.  I am so ready for you.  

I spend more time than usual going through my pictures these days.

I have soo many and now I get to post them here!

It's amazing how quickly the images take me back to that 

moment in time.  Or, I don't remember anything about the image I am looking at.

I suppose that means I don't have an emotion 

associated with the picture.

This picture means nothing to me.  It's a biscuit but why in the world did I care enough to take a picture of it?

This picture says so much to me.   I love my friend.

And this one?  Well.  It's complicated.

I actually want to delete all my church pictures but I think that is un-wise.  One day I will look at them with different eyes and they will mean different things to me.  Or not.  Currently, they elicit a complicated sorrow.

Some of my happiest pictures are when this dear lady comes to visit and what she doing with my sweetest daughter.

I take selfies.   

Usually it's so that I have a record that I existed in my own life.

And on that thought, I leave you all.

Happy Tuesday!

It's a strange thing going from SUPER BUSY and STRESSED to

having no plans and no crisis.

In some ways, I have had to fight for peace 

in the same way I had to fight for survival.

During the times of crisis in my life the most important things I had to do was keep my head above the water (don't drown in the sorrow of life), hang tight to Christ and try to be present enough to be aware of who I was in that moment and what was worth pouring my energy into.

Peace has been the same in some ways.

I have had to keep my head above the waters of busy when there are so many "sirens" calling out to me.  

Submitting my restless heart into the care of Christ who brings true peace has been hard!  Restlessness hides a multitude of insecurities and bad habits.

And sitting still has been SO DIFFICULT when I have, 

historically, made up groups and dinner parties and clubs when I have nothing to do.

I am SO GOOD at creating things to do out of 

stress, restlessness and boredom.

Anything to drive out the emotions swirling in my heart.

Sometimes, life really tears up your heart and it's a bleeding, pussy, infected mess.

And bed rest is the only thing that will facilitate healing.

The healing process is an interesting thing.  Sometimes it's like nothing ever happened, sometimes there is a scar and on occasion, something new emerges. 

I am starting to form some very definite ideas about friendship.

I am hesitant to start anything but I feel like, in my soul, 

there is a deep layer of baking soda ideas. (That's a for real thing.  I'm sure.) And a slow drip of vinegar is coming down.  

Groups gathering for fun make me nervous.  That's new.

I am a natural-bottled red head.   I don't really like being a natural hair coloured person.

Being kind, patient and merciful is important to me. 

This is also new.

I want to be with people that encourage me to Godliness.  

Not to busyness or scurry or hurry or worry.

I long for joy and laughter and depth and prayer.

I think I got this from Life (in) Grace once upon a time.

The End.