Earlier this week I felt that Jon needed a visit from me and Rohk with the bonus of doughnuts.  Then a train came by the shop and my men watched it for a bit.

Taco Tuesday is our new favourite meal.  Each kid get's a job (Rohk shredded cheese & cut peppers, Nav was on hamburger duty) and meal time is soo happy!  Once upon a time I would have looked down my nose at such a meal.  Taco Tuesday is so common!! 

Praise the Lord I'm not so uptight any more.

Speaking of food...

So we ended up at Ikea with my aunty & uncle that are visiting from BC.   There were very few diabetes friendly options that would fill me up for a few hours so I ate this thing.

I can't say I would recommend it.

Rohk and me go for bike rides nearly every day.

On this particular day it was very chilly outside and I knew he was not going to make it home without warming up.  So we went for a cup of tea at MJ's.  Holy.  Cow.   $2.66 for one tea bag.

That is outrageous!

But worth not having a whining kid all the way home.

As you may, or may not, know, Flower Patch Farmgirl is my most favourite blog.   What I love the most is how honest she is about her life, wrestling's and hopes.

She is brave to be so vulnerable on her blog.

Many bloggers I have read over the years change their tone to be more private the bigger they get.

You need to go over and read her blog ASAP!

She wrote this article today and it ends with the question,

 "What makes you, you?"

True.  Nothing profound in that question.

But it's a good exercise.

I have gotten lost in ideas that I actually don't believe in.

Like all of a sudden, I WANT a whole bunch of stuff!

And I am super sad that I can't have stuff.

What. The. Heck.

Pouting because my kid has a bike but I want her to have a newer one.  "RACHELLE!  YOUR KID HAS A BIKE!"

Perspective.

So.

What makes me, me?

How I cover my walls.

This is a part of what makes me, me.

No matter where I have lived, I must have LOTS of art on my walls.  The more the better!!

I don't care about decorating Do's or Don'ts.  

I just know what I like.

I will never NEED another piece of art but I will always WANT more!

Can I please take this moment to get on my soapbox of 

need vs want?

Ok.

Thanks.

I keep overhearing people in public go on and on about their "needs" and it's gotten under my skin.

Please note, I was un-intentionally eavesdropping.

If you are going to talk loudly in public, I will hear you.

Anyway.

I promise you, there are very few things you actually need.

The majority of what we all purchase are wants.

Don't tell me you NEED a vacation cause you don't.

You want one.  You will not die if you don't get it.

Vacations are pure luxury.

Not a need.

Don't tell me you NEED a bigger house because we are 4 people and a dog living in 800 square feet and life it just great.

Would I WANT a bigger kitchen, sure.

Would I WANT a basement, yes.

But I don't NEED it.

There is a roof over my head, heat when I need it, 

running water and a TV.  Life is good.

Want stuff!

Please, go ahead and want whatever you feel like!

I want TONNES of stuff!

New Birks, another bike, a new vehicle, a shopping spree at Anthropology, a play structure for my kids...  I can go on.

But please.  

Don't try and tell me your luxury wants are a need.

Cause they're not.

Ok. That's the end of my rant.

Happy Friday everyone!

Listening : Rohk is watching Sponge Bob Square pants and I get the great delight of hearing all of it.  

Dreaming :  I want to paint every room in my house.  More realistic, I want to paint all my baseboards.   I paint those every few years.  The walls, not so much.  I asked my mom to come and help me paint my mud-room and she said yes!  Wahoo!  Now to pick a date.

Pondering : Every time I pursue the idea of working for money outside of our home (Thank you Liberal's for cutting my monthly income in half. Grr.) I get huge red flags in my heart and soul and mind that it's not time.  And so I pause.  Again.   Until the next time fear strikes my heart.   And I am brought to my knees in prayer for this again.

Hoping : Last summer I really wanted to get to the beach at least once with my friends and it never happened!!  This year, I am hoping it does.  My fingers are crossed!

Accepting : All friendships shift and change over time, for good or for bad.  This is inevitable. 

Loving : Brooklyn 99, season 3, on Netflix.  Hullo stupid!!

The End.

I own all the season's of this stupid show.

I LOVE it!

The Young Ones make me giggle.

One

Two

Three

So.

I have been firmly planted in the middle of this passage.

Physically and figuratively.

Like I sit at my table reading it over and over.

And then I think about it for minutes at a time over the course of the entire day.

And then I go and read things like this.

"Walking on the water is easy to impulsive pluck, but walking on dry land as a disciple of Jesus Christ is a different thing.  Peter walked on the water to go to Jesus, but he followed Him afar off on the land. We do not need the grace of God to stand crises, human nature and pride are sufficient, we can face the strain magnificently; but it does require the supernatural grace of God to live twenty-four hours in every day as a saint, to go through drudgery as a disciple, to live an ordinary, unobserved, ignored existence as a disciple of Jesus.  It is inbred in us that we have to do exceptional things for God; but we have not.  We have to be exceptional in the ordinary things, to be holy in the mean street, among mean people, and this is not learned in five minutes."

Oswald Chambers

And I am brought to tears.

(Calvin Miller)

The thing about evaluating your scars is that you have to do it with a  filter.  
I want my filter to be forgiveness and hope.
But this is really hard work.
And this work is lasting longer than I think it should.

I have been amazing reclusive as of late.
In part, because I am trying to sort out my hurts.
When I try to associate with people I love I find myself wanting for anything to say.  
There are not a lot of words that I have for regular conversation.

I'm just not super light or what I personally find interesting.

All I care to do is go on bike rides with Rohk, 
play memory with Nav and watch silly tv with Jon.  
These really are the only things I have any interest in doing.

Internally I have so much going on, 
externally this is all I have energy for.

And I have given myself permission that this is ok and it is good.

There are no real timelines for healing - only approximates.

Jon and me moved to Steinbach roughly 10 years ago in May.

I always remember that it was May and I have no idea if that is actually true or not.

But I hold to May is the month we arrived in Manitoba.

Anyway.

We had been living in Calgary for a little over a year and half, Jon had just graduated from Ambrose University College and it was time to start a new chapter in our lives.

I figured I needed some new music while packing up our little apartment so I bought Jack Johnson's  In Between Dreams album.

I totally went to HMV at Southcentre Mall, listened to cd's they had in those black boxes with a head-set (remember those?!)

and bought it. 

Every spring, without fail, I CRAVE this album.

It brings me to a happy place in my heart and memories.

I remember so vividly, opening up all the windows and the balcony door, letting in the cool fresh air of spring, packing up our stuff, getting ready for life in Manitoba.

All the while listening to Jack on repeat.

For the last few years I have not had a stereo and the disc drive on my laptop is busted so I have not listened to this album.

I kept putting off buying it on iTunes because I own it.

It's a cd in a box somewhere.

But this year I caved.

I bought it yesterday and I am listening to it right now!!

It makes me so happy.

Here is Banana Pancakes.

Happy Thursday all!

I loved today.

Something about the sun shining and being able to ride my bike for hours with my kiddo on his brings joy to my soul.

The Liturgist's podcast was on for a good hour today and I liked their approach to prophesy. They gave no absolutes at the end, something I appreciate and am ok with.  What I took away from it was that God does communicate with us and seeking His will is good. 

If you care to, take a listen to The Voice of God.  

And tell me if you listened to it and 

what you took away after!

For my beverage at supper tonight I had this beer and I rather loved it.  Black Pearl coffee (a Winnipeg coffee roaster)plus beer!

Delicious.

A thought that ran through my head today was

"I like who I am."

Last year April I could not have said that.

Check out my April 1, 2015 post 

for my state of mind this time last year.

That was a dark place.

2016 is proving to be a year of healing and hope and renewal and all things worthy of praise.

Today I felt like myself.

And I really love her.

I just finished reading

Nobody's Cuter Than You by Melanie Shankle

and it was a lovely read.

It's all about her relationship with her best friend.

By the way, I don't believe in one best friend.

I have many.

No one person can handle ALL of me and I can't handle 

ALL of one of my friends.  

Let's spread the opinionated passion of these women around!  

I cannot be Jon's everything, how in the world am I 

supposed to be one woman's best friend?

Moving on.

(found here)

The end.

Of a very random post.

My blondie sister and her blondie boys landed last Sunday late in the day and they left early this Sunday morning.

I was so happy when they came out to Steinbach Monday afternoon!  

I thought we would only see them Wednesday to Saturday 

so that was a treat.

Nav missed a few days of school and we headed into Winnipeg for 4 days and three nights.

At this point I would like to say that I HATE sleep overs.   

I don't recall ever enjoying them.

Ever.

I believe my agreeing to sleep on an air mattress for 3 nights speaks to my commitment of nurturing family relationships and 

of loving my family in general.

"Well done Rachelle.  Pat yourself on the back!"

"Why thank you!  I think I will!"

We had our good hours and bad ones, 

fun days and miserable days.

4 adults + 5 children + 1 whippet dog + one house = life!

Those children all have "discerning pallets"

Also known as "picky eaters"

Every bloody one of them!!

So, I kidnapped (not really)my own 2 kids and Anthony, trucked them (literally trucked them because I drive a truck. Ha!) over to De Luca's and had each child choose a pasta they would like to try.

Three types of noodles were chosen (all made in Italy so that was fun) and we had a taste testing noodle dinner.

I believe it was a success.

Every child tried something new - 

even if it was only a new noodle shape.  

Baby steps folks.  

Next time, I will need to try something like foreign chips or 

ice cream flavours.

My mom really wanted to feed some birds with the kiddos but as you can see, there were no birds.  And then it started to rain.

That activity was a bit of bust.

You can't win them all!

Jon might kill me for posting this pictures.

The kids all looked so happy!!

Mandi's boys and my mom came out for a few hours yesterday and we got to have a few fun last memories.

Kawaii Crepe on the way to Steinbach and fire with uncle Jon.

A perfect way to end a vacation if you were asking me.

My sister is much better at taking together pictures than me.

But then I'm a shit and do this when she tells me to back up my head cause it looks to big.

Mandi and me have always been near opposites.

For as long as I can remember.

It makes for interesting conversations, belly laughs and choosing to be in the moment instead of finding similarities.

Mandi will always remember the good things first.

I will always remember the bad things first.

Mandi is a tall blonde.

I am a short red head.

We both dye our hair so there is that!

I am sad she lives so far away.

The day to day of our lives are kept to ourselves.

We do not share in the everyday moments of life.

It is a complicated sorrow.

But no matter.

She has my heart.

These are some word-picture quotes I have loved in the last year.

They have hugged my hurting heart, 

elicited laughter and brought hope.  

I apologize for not having links.  

I think the words are from 

Life In Grace blog?  

No idea where the stupid ones are from.

I hope your Wednesday is a thing of beauty.

I am sitting here trying to figure out if I learned anything week.

Earlier this week I went to a discussion time with the Steinbach Feminists.  Then I read a blurb from some famous actress type saying that feminists should be replaced with normal and 

everybody else is sexist. 

So feminism has been on my brain a bit this week.

I don't self identify as a feminist but lots of my thinking is in keeping with what feminists believe.

You might be surprised to learn that you also are a 

feminist on some level. 

Here is a handy infographic for you!

found here

I could launch into the areas I agree with and the ones I don't.

But that would take forever and really, it's better done in conversation.

Egalitarianism.

Feminist's don't love this approach from the limited reading I have done specifically dealing with feminism vs egalitarianism.  

Never mind a Christian egalitarian!

Everything I do in this life is informed by my faith.

I cannot separate my love for Jesus from how I live.

This means I read the bible and believe it.

And I believe that women and men are equal.

In the home.

In the workplace.

In the church.

Here is a great explanation of Christian Egalitarianism if you are interested in reading up on it.

Egalitarianism

On my mind this week has also been the reality of complicated relationships.

It seems to me that they will always be.

On three separate occasions this week with three different people, plans had to be made in spite of the complications. 

No bridges have been burned so relationship must exist.

And every time I wrestle through my memories of the past, 

hoping to walk in the path of forgiveness, 

while guarding my heart because of hurts inflicted.  

Maybe it's cause I over think most things.

Maybe it's because the cuts went deep and the scars are big.

Maybe it's because I prefer to hold onto the pain.

No matter the reason, the weight of these complicated relationships weigh heavy on my heart and mind.

As I type all these things out my sweet children are having a 

fart gun fight.

My hope for today is that my precious home will be tidied up.

In my dreams I might start the process of painting my mudroom.

A trip to superstore will be necessary.

And as I float through this day, 
sometimes directing where I go but more likely 
ending up where the winds of family life bring me,

this song is in my mind and heart.

God in my living, there in my breathing
God in my waking, God in my sleeping
God in my resting, there in my working
God in my thinking, God in my speaking

Be my everything, be my everything
Be my everything, be my everything

God in my hoping, there in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting
God in my laughing, there in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

Be my everything, be my everything
Be my everything, be my everything

Christ in me, Christ in me
Christ in me, the hope of glory
You are everything

God in my hoping, there in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting
God in my laughing, there in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

God our heavenly mother.

How does that sit with you?

Think about it.

God is beyond our thoughts and God's ways are beyond ours.

Do you believe that God has a gender?

Jesus was a man.

The Spirit is a spirit.

And God?

God is God.

I believe that God is above gender distinctions.

And I believe that our minds limit us from fully understanding God because of God's glory, magnificence and holiness.

Ascribing a gender to God is helpful and I still believe that I have a heavenly father.

But I also am coming around to the idea that I have a heavenly mother as well.

As a mom living her life as a believer in Jesus I have often been led to believe that the "father" is the most important parental figure in my home.  Everything hinges on his ability (or inability) to lead a family in the ways God.

All a woman can do is dutifully pray.

But not once, in all my readings, was it ever put forth that the "mother", aka Me, had an important role in the spiritual upbringing of my children.

If you don't believe me, go look.

Try finding an article that supports a mother's role as important in the Christian upbringing of her children.

Everything I ever found has always pointed back to 

the importance of the "father".

The "father" is the main course and basically, the "mother" is the condiment on the side.

At a pivotal moment in my life, when all I was looking for was affirmation from my faith that my job as a mom was worthy and of importance, I could find nothing.

 And fathers? EVERYTHING rest's on them.

How terribly unfair to us both.

Ok.  So back to God our Mother.

I bought a liturgy from The Liturgists called God Our Mother

And I was instantly affirmed in the kingdom of God.

Who I am as a mom is important.

I have value as a mom.

Because I am created in the image of God.

Me.

A woman.

A mother.

Made in the image of God.

Shauna Niequist wrote a piece for the liturgy.

I will end this blog post with an excerpt from her contribution to the album.

We know all about God our Father, and the beautiful images that go along with that idea: the strong, faithful, unshakeable love of a father. But to only know God the Father would be like only knowing daytime but never night—to see the sunrise, but never the gentle, haunting rise of a harvest moon, low in the sky, blood red and beautiful. To know only the Father God would be like seeing the bright, dazzling sun, but never the stars spreading across the sky like so much fairy dust. God our Mother, reaching out to us with those hands—mother hands, strong and coursing with love, binding up wounds and soothing scrapes, holding us together, holding us safe. God our Mother, feeding us, nourishing us, giving us what we need to grow and thrive, taking care of us in big and small ways, seeing us, knitting us back together with love and grace when we've been broken. God our Mother, believing in us. That's what a mother does: she looks into your eyes and she says, I believe in you. I know you. I know you were made for great things. A mother says, you're not too small or too scared. You're not too frail or too flawed. You're mine. And that's all you need to know. God our Mother whispers to each one of us You're mine. And that's all you need to know.
found here