Spring break is the best!

Up until this year, we were homeschoolers.

But this year, Nav is in public school and we are all loving it.

When we homeschooled I always had school on my mind.  I was solely responsible for her education and I worked constantly to try and get everything she needed taught.  I took it very seriously.  And we never had a spring break.  There were other weeks when school was not touched but school thoughts always niggled at the back of my mind. 

Shout out to all my homeschool friends!!

You are AMAZING!!!!

No joke.  
If you know a family that is homeschooling, give that mother a hug and tell her she is doing a great job.

Even if you disagree with homeschooling, lie.

Because she is busting her ass, working hard, to teach her kids and often she will be hearing more criticism and doubt than encouragement and praise.  
She is a maveric and it can be lonely.
Not always, but sometimes.

And don't assume to know why anyone homeschools.
The reason's are as varied as there are different types of smoked meat.
(I'm a touch meat obsessed.  True story.)

Ok.   Time to get off this rabbit trail and onto the main path.

So now Nav is home for the week and it's so much fun.

I can be fully present to just be with my kids.

Rohk learned how to ride his bike without training wheels

(10 minutes and he was good to go.  Amazing child.)

Nav rolled down a hill on her rollerblades without me holding her hand.

(She is such a tenacious child and kept trying and trying until she got it.  Her rollerblades were a birthday gift last August.  I am so proud of her.)

The kids have played video games, watched movies, played with the neighbour kids, put together puzzles and eaten enough candy to make a dentist cry.

It's been good.

And, just because, a few of the facial expressions of my Mr. Rohk.

So the mental battle for me is this - It is so easy to be unhappy with what I have.  
But I actually love what I have.

So why be so dissatisfied?

I think dissatisfaction is a sneaky bastard.

As of yesterday, all I see when I look at my home are the things I don't like and wish I could change.

A short list:

new flooring EVERYWHERE

re-do the entire living room

re-do the entire mud room

gut the bathroom

re-paint everything

change the windows

landscape the yard

I could keep going.

The stupid thing is, when I look at my home most other days what I see is this:

we have a home

I love how much actual living space we have

I love how much natural light we have for the majority of the day

we have windows

there are no limitations on how many holes I put in the walls

my mud room is big

these walls hold cherished memories

my dining room is my favourite room in the entire house

When I take a moment to stand back and look at what I have instead of nit-picking at all the flaws I see, it's a very different perspective.

My house is small.

I love and wrestle with our space at the same time.

The counter-culture part of me loves that it's small.

The desire to have a bigger kitchen sometimes creeps up but I try to squash it because I don't have a bigger kitchen and an addition is not in my near future.

Neither is moving.

Here is the bigger wrestle.

I am in my home for the foreseeable future.

So what is the point of dreaming about a bigger home?

My concern is that if I think of something I want more, I will become very discontented with what I have.

Dreams can sometimes be dangerous.

Dreams can sometimes be dangerous?

And, my home is a frigging mansion compared to what the majority of the world live in.  Who am I to even want more space?

AND, there are people who dream of living in a smaller home than what I have!!

See.

It's all a matter of perspective.

Worthy dreams to me are this:

I want to ride bikes to the splash pad all summer and have picnic lunches there.

Go to a women's conference or a weekend away with my women multiple times in my life.

A real family trip with my husband and kids to Dollywood and to see Kentucky.

Before I die I want to visit the highlands in Scotland to see where my ancestors came from. (My dad's side)

I want to go to Iceland with Jon for a wedding anniversary.

One day I want to visit the Doctor Who Experience in England.

As my kids get older, that they would know I am their number one fan and no matter what, I am always proud of them.

I will finish my damn mudroom.  I started painting it 6 years ago and never finished it.  Now, at the prompting and vision of a dear friend, 
there is a plan in place and it's time to start it.

There.  I like that list much better.

What happened was I made this great Easter feast for my 

little family 

(turkey, stuffing, roasted veggies, chickpea salad, bacon-onion-apple thing, biscuits from scratch & gravy)

And then Rohk was naughty and our lovely meal started with a 5 year old crying about not eating turkey.

So that was un-fortunate.

We all regrouped and carried on and it ended up being a 

lovely dinner together.

It was really important to make this meal for my family.

Usually I don't try with them because 

a)I can't eat with them because they are eating at  a different 

time than me.

b) I can't eat what they are eating and by the time I am finished making what I am eating they are done.

c) They complain so loudly about what I make that it's not worth the effort to make them anything good

But I feel that it is time to change how we do meals in our home.

For a few years I have been getting accustomed to eating a new way and now, I have it down.  

Now I notice that I miss eating with people.

I eat alone so often.

But I want to change that.

This meal is the start of me approaching meals differently.

After supper we went for a walk.

It was a good day.

My marriage has been forged in fire.

We have been to "hell" and back more times than I prefer.

Once would have been plenty, thank you very much.

But this post is not a lament.

Because I am so proud of us.

Of what we have endured so far in this life we share, 

self imposed or not, we have kicked ass.

I've been thinking about us a lot lately.

Winter has come to an end and we made it through without a major crisis.

Hallelujah and pass over the praise jam please.

Historically winters are the very worst time for us to be alive.

No joke.

So much has happened to us between the months of November and March for at least 5 years in row. 

Jon and me were expecting the worst at every turn this winter.

Well... for sure I was.  

Jon was more optimistic than me most of the time.  

We have been very conditioned to expect crisis and heartache in the dead of winter.

I sighed with relief when the snow started melting and nothing truly bad had happened to us while there was snow on the ground.

It feels miraculous.

Look at us.

This picture makes me smile.

We are coming up on 13 years of marriage in August and I cannot imagine my life without him in it.

If I had to do it all over again, with the crisis and pain, just to be where we are today, I would.

In a heartbeat.

This rooster trivet is my favourite trivet.

I own 4 trivets so I can say that.

Moving along.....

I ordered this book late last week and I am really looking forward to reading it!

As of late I have been thinking about and forming ideas about what I believe a beautiful and true friendship is.

My hope is that this book will add to and improve the ideas I am formulating.

Here is a quote

found here

Some friendships I have done well.

 Some I have ruined and failed at miserably.

 Some I have allowed more authority in my life than was healthy.

 Some friendships have flourished into the most beautiful 

thing you have ever seen. 

I have burned a few bridges.

Some friendships are super old and I intend for them to get older.

Some are very young and I am curious to see where they will go.

I have had, on more than one occasion, the conversation with Christian friends of mine that they hope I would correct them if I ever saw something that needed a reprimand.

You may, or may not, know that Christians have this thing in the bible about being corrected and 

or correcting what other's are doing.  

One time I had to sit beside this teenager in Tim Horton's being "corrected in love" by her friends.

It was so painful to witness that I left the restaurant.

Truth be told, my friend would need to be doing something all together un-holy like breaking all ten commandments within a week before I would "correct" what she was doing.

Why?

Because my life is full of my own shortcomings, who am I to ever correct a friends's behaviour?

I happened upon this article not that long ago and I have found it helpful.  It ends with 14 "how to correct" ideas that are a lot more merciful and gracious than what I have heard or experienced.

Here is a quote.

Another was that God didn’t want me correcting everyone else, even when I spotted faults and flaws in others (which, by the way, is no great gift or something to boast about).

Adjusting the behavior of my brothers and sisters in Christ wasn’t my job or duty. And I needed to pay more attention to my own spiritual walk than that of others (James 4:11).

(In my early years as a believer, I was part of a Christian tradition that was trigger-happy to straighten everyone else out. It was bad teaching that bred legalism and self-righteousness. And I was guilty of embracing it.)

Still another lesson I learned was that in those times when the Lord actually wanted me to correct another person, if I didn’t deliver that correction in Christ, I would end up losing a friend.

An offended friend is harder to win back than a fortified city. Arguments separate friends like a gate locked with bars (Proverbs 18:19).

I wish back then that someone taught me what correction looks like when done in Christ.

Hence this post.

Here is a link to the entire article.

I found it helpful for my own thinking.

How (Not) To Correct Another

I love her.

Where I found her, I have no idea.

She's my favourite.

Here is my favourite article that I read this week.

For When Chaos Makes You Crazy

After a year of my dear friend telling me to watch Call the Midwife, I watched all 4 season's in 2 weeks.  This made me giggle.

found here

I am coming very late to The Office party but now that I am here, I have watched 8 seasons and half of season 9 in the last 2-ish months.  Dwight and Kevin are my favourite.

found here

found here

The IT Crowd is one of mine and Jon's favourite shows.

So. Funny.

After much practising I can say "bastard" like an Irish man.

It's a lot of fun.

found here

Happy Friday Everybody!

Therapy is a beautiful thing.

Especially FREE therapy.

Extra especially, free therapy when life is calm!

It is such a different experience.

This last week I was struck with 2 things.

1) I do not do well with being invisible and it comes out in different ways - retaliation, shutting down, out bursts that seem un-provoked, bitterness, 

running away/disappearing physically and/or emotionally

2) I don't feel that I deserve to have dreams

Whoa.

That's some heavy stuff to be hauling around.

And I had no idea that I was.

When it was suggested that maybe I was having a difficult time responding to "X" situation was because I felt invisible, 

my inclination was to say no.

"I am never invisible!  

I am to loud and opinionated to ever be invisible!"

False.

The more I think about my life and the most hurt's I have  personally felt, they have more often than not been because I have been ignored, diminished, dismissed and rejected.

I have been made to feel invisible.

Intentional or not, there you have it.

This is very revelation-al to me! 

I plan on sitting in it for a while.

And dreams!!

This one will take me a while to sort out.

The timing is providential to me as longings and desires have come up with my spiritual director.

It is such an internal wrestling and sorting out.

A worthy one to pursue.

(Jon took this amaze-balls picture of me)

There was a time in my life where I did A LOT of stuff.

It was not smart.

Hullo Burnout!

But now I find that I am worried that if I start to be involved in life again I will do to much again.

I don't trust myself to know my limits.

I have been praying about it for a few months now.

Today I read this beautiful article.

The Magical Key to Doing Everything

I can get behind this way of thinking.

Anticipate a copy-cat post in the near future.

I pray for you all a week filled with hope, revelations and joy.

I filled the air in my bike tires yesterday.

I am itching to go for a ride today.

My bike is probably my favourite possession.

It is old and makes some funny sounds, the brake does not work properly (it sort of slow me down but I have to put my feet down to come to a full stop), there are no gears to be switched and the tube has to be special ordered when a tire goes flat.

BUT! It is the best colour blue, I love the chrome splash guards, my seat is super comfy and my red wire basket is so handy. 

It's a happy vintage bike and I love it.

I think we can squeak one more summer out of Nav's bike.

Rohk is far more interested in riding through puddles than actually going for a bike ride.    As it should be in puddle season!

I have SO MANY pictures of this boy smiling!!  Nav was never as much of a picture smiler so this is new to me.

We went to the Children's Museum with friends from our old homeschool group this week.  It was so lovely to catch up with lovely ladies I have not seen in months.

Rohk lived at the water table and Nav wandered around a little bit lost most of the time.

Last night we went to a Piston's hockey game and such a fun time!

We arrived early so we could watch the warm-up and then stayed for the first period.  

In the standing section. 

The opposing teams standing section to be more specific.  

We did not realize that when we stood there but found it very amusing when we noticed.

The goalie had weird died blonde hair and Jon cracked a joke about Malfoy being the goalie.

He's funny.

As I sit here documenting our week, Naveed is on the iPad, Jon is on his iPhone and Rohk is on the laptop playing school games.

The kids are eating cookies for breakfast with my blessing, Jon is making himself a cucumber sandwich and I am nearly done my second cup of coffee.

Saturday mornings are meant for leisure and silly breakfasts.

Sweet promises of spring coming!

I love premature puddles.

It seems way to early in March to have the snow melt but I am not complaining.  I love it!

We burned our Christmas tree yesterday.  It burned much better than the tree we had last year.

This morning we walked Naveed to school.

It took us 40 minutes (it usually takes 20) but I needed to move.

Sitting on my ass for so many days in a row was getting to me and I felt better this morning.

And I must be getting better because I am not passed out on my back at this moment.

I am looking forward to this week.

I am taking Nav out of school on Thursday so we can join some of our homeschool friends on a trip to the Children's Museum in Winnipeg.

I am hopeful that more walks will take place this week and meandering with Rohk in the spring will always and forever be one of my favourite things.

On the menu this week is a soup recipe out of my Jerusalem cook book.  I have never made it before and I am excited to try it.

(They made a "couch")

My life is a beautiful mess.

There are lots of heavy things going on that are not mine to share but there is so much glorious beauty in spite of it all.

My history professor in bible college was amazing.  He was so invested in his field of study.  I took a class with him every single semester I was at school.  I'm sure I was a great disappointment of a student.  I would write a paper or two that were stellar and then sort of try on the next few papers and barely pass on my exams. I was there for the friends people. Anyway! My professor.  His lectures were often memorable.

One that has stayed with me for years was a lecture he gave on Martin Luther.  What I remember is that Martin Luther failed often but that never stopped him from trying again.

Great people fail, pick them selves up and try again.

I suppose "great" is a relative term.

I choose to think of greatness in terms of relationships.

Not money or possessions or accomplishments.

At the end of this life, I want the people I love the most to know how much I loved them.  That they were valued and adored and cherished and worthy of my time and energy.

It sounds a lot easier to do than it is.

It takes an amazing amount of discipline and selflessness and being counter-culture in a lot of ways.

Today on the way home from dropping off Naveed, Rohk requested the long way home so he could slide on more frozen puddles.

How could I say no to more frozen puddles?!

Naveed loves going on dates with just one of her parents.  

We happily oblige her!  Bring on the swimming pool and doughnuts from Tim's after.  

It's her dream parent date every time.

Jon has a physically demanding job and comes home exhausted most days.  I do my very best to have a meal ready for him when he get's home.  Sometimes this means leaving fun coffee dates early or not finishing any given chore I am working at.  It flies in the face of what an "equal" marriage might be to some people.  But I don't care.  I know it blesses my husband.

It's these small details that are beautiful to me and are so worthy of my time.  

I love my people.