I am probably going to over post for a while because this is all new to me.

Oh!! Just figured out what I wanted to do this morning.  Ha!  :)

I have this song on repeat as well.  My prayer these days has been 

"Lord, I need a boat to cross this river of suffering." The song is on repeat in my head.

It's a funny thing.  Really.  How many people are really suffering and I wrestle with sadness because I might loose my house?  What is suffering, anyway.   Google says 

"it's the state of undergoing pain, distress, or hardship" 

Then there must be degrees of suffering.  Because my children are not dying from starvation and I am not having to sell my body to pay the mortgage payment this month.  

Jon is not a drug mule.  But I am undergoing some hardship.

I don't want to trivialize what I am in right now.  Bankruptcy.  Watching Jon's dream being auctioned off.  

Living in a state of flux because nothing has happened yet.  Waiting to hear if the auctioneer can sell our stuff for a good price.  It's all nerve racking. 

Maybe it's just a first world problem.  Poor spoiled me.  But maybe it's ok to be sad about these things.  

Just because it could be worse does not lessen how painful it is right now.   

I just want it to be less painful.  And I can't.